Now the wait begins

I found out today that embryo transfer will be on Monday and so the wait begins:

• Waiting to find out on Monday if a thawed embryo survives for transfer.
• Then if it does, waiting 9-10 days to find out if I am pregnant.
• If I am pregnant then begins another 4 week wait to the 8 week ultrasound. I dread that more than anything else, but that's a whole other story for another time.
• Then the wait until the "magic" 12 weeks
• And so on and so forth.

All that waiting and intricately tied in with it - hope and faith.

As I wait for days to pass, can I wait on God? 

Can I trust God with this? Can I trust that God will finally hear my prayer? That He will finally answer the desire and yearning He placed in my heart? I have trusted and trusted God in the past but my prayer hasn't been answered. Can I trust this time? Dare I? Dare I not trust?

Will this be the time that causes me to walk away... finally?

I come back to this Bible verse over and over - what does it really mean?


Isaiah 40:30-33 Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

I don't know. I think I need to do more reading and research. To make sure I know what it really says and not twist it to fit my need.

And then there is this - 
To wait on God means to pause and soberly consider our own inadequacy and the Lord’s all-sufficiency, and to seek counsel and help from the Lord, and to hope in Him (Psm. 33:20-22; Isa. 8:17)… The folly of not waiting for God is that we forfeit the blessing of having God work for us. The evil of not waiting on God is that we oppose God’s will to exalt Himself in mercy.- John Piper


Heavenly Father,
You know the yearning of my heart and you know I believe you placed it there in me. I don't know why you haven't fulfilled this desire yet, the longing for another child. And You know I have prayed and prayed that this cycle will only go ahead if it is going to be successful. Does the fact it is going ahead mean that You have heard and answered my prayer or does it mean nothing more than that my body is going through the natural cycle and rhythm of life and that this cycle, like many others, will fail and that my prayer won't be answered? How can I know? I guess I can't and so I come back to You, trusting You and trying to believe You will fulfil the desires of my heart. Help me to wait on You, to learn patience, trust and wisdom. Help me to learn the lesson you want me to learn.
Amen